I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
