Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
