my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
