dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
