He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
