I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
