hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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