You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
