I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
