I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.