If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.