we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks