Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
