Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
