The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
