Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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