I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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