Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
