He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's blow job season.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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