im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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