Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
