fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
