dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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