please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
