I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
