Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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