Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
