we have pet lesbian snakes
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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