He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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