Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
