she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
