I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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