Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
