i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
