Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
