my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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