dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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