Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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