so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
