He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Randomize
