why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize