Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
