So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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