I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you win again, gameday.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
