It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You pole danced in your parka.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
