How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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