fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
