I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
