Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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