i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
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So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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