Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
