she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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