hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just invented taco cereal.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
