roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
