Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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