Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
