eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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