I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
