Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize