I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
