Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
