I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
