Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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