Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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