i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I forgot wine drunk hurts
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize