i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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