Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
