Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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