Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
