ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
