Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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