spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
