He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
