How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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