Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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