Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Enjoy the penises
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
