If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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