Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
